Tuesday, February 23, 2010

When I Said Slow...

Here is an up to date pic of the girls. It was taken on Valentine's Day. Where did my babies go???

When I said I'd be getting back into blogging slowly, I bet you never guessed I'd be this slow, huh? I really do want to do better, because I have so many things to share. I have so many things I'd for which I 'd love to ask your advice!

J and I talked recently about what I'm going to do after the kids go to school. We still have another year and a half before Lilly starts and another three and a half years before the twins start. Despite it being a few years down the road, I've started thinking about what I might want to do with the rest of my life. Do I really want to teach middle school English again? I don't think I do. It's sad to go through all that schooling and then decide you don't think that's what you're meant to do. If I could just go in and teach my students and not have to worry about all the other crap that goes along with being a teacher, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I love the kids, and I love the subject matter. However, being a teacher takes up a lot more of your life; it becomes part of your identity, and getting the summers off really doesn't make up for the school year in my opinion. So much is expected of teachers...so much that most people do not realize. Pay isn't everything, but the pay definitely isn't worth it. Plus, they urge you to get your Master's degree now...do I really want to go through that for that kind of job?? I have a lot of time to think about this, but I'd like to start preparing if I decide I need to go back to school. These are just thoughts...and then there's the possibility of another baby. This is something else we've talked about recently. Do I REALLY want another baby?? Do I really want to start over? I have some very controversial reasons for even considering another baby...reasons that I would probably be raked over the coals for if I shared. That may not stop me though...I may need your advice on that in the future as well.

Thank you to everyone that posted a comment with advice and/or support on my last post regarding my parents marriage ending after 31 years. My parents are getting a divorce, and it should be final sometime in March. My mom has no interest in trying to work anything out with my dad. She says she loves him, but she's not in love with him. I have always thought that was such a ridiculous reason for divorce. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in being "in love", and I definitely think you need to be "in love" with your spouse. However, I know that circumstances make relationships hard sometimes, and I know that sometimes people fall "out of love" when times get tough. I also know that people come out of these funks all the time, but it takes dedication and commitment. My mom seems content to just be alone right now. She is living in an apartment above her salon. She actually kind of has it made financially...something I was really worried about since hair stylists have very unreliable income. She pays $250 per month for her 2 bedroom apartment, and that includes her electricity, water, and cable. It's a very nice place too, so she really got very lucky. She doesn't have a land line other than her salon phone. Her only other bills are her car payment, cell phone, and internet. She will soon have to start paying for her own health insurance though, and that is kind of a scary thought in itself. She is home every time I call her, and I don't think she leaves very often since she just works downstairs. I'm not sure if this is the life she wanted when she left, but it's the life she's getting.

My dad is still fairly distraught over it all. It's been four months since she left, and he has come to terms with it I think, but he is far from over it. Thankfully, my brother returned from the Middle East a week or so ago, and he and his family are staying with my dad until they move to their permanent station in April. It is good for my dad to have the daily companionship. He actually leaves today for the state my brother and sister in law will be moving to in April. He and my brother are going to scout out housing options. This will be my dad's first time flying! He's 51! My mom never wanted to fly, and my dad always said he didn't want to as well, but I think that they were actually both just leaning on the other and would have flown if it hadn't been for them being together.

I am doing OK with it all. I still don't agree with the way it all went down, and I have learned a lot about relationships through dealing with the situation. I just have to focus on my parents separately right now. I am trying my best to maintain my relationship with both of them, talking about the other parent as little as possible, and just making sure that I keep them both involved in my kids' lives. That's all I know to do right now. They really make me tired.